Today, I was chatting with an old friend; and, it came to pass that she has a Burger King fetish. Not that whoppers make her wet; but, that she finds The King sexy. I am sure all of you know of whom I reference. He is the character in modern, American Burger King commercials. He is superimposed over famous footage.
Well, this chick really digs him. Her number one fantasy is to have sex with a man wearing the Burger King mask. Being the resourceful individual that I am, she asked me to procure some Burger King porno for her. Just to give you background on my porno credentials, the only porno I am yet to find is necrophilia porn; and, depending on how important authenticity is to you, I have even found that. Of course, the mythical midget on midget porn has eluded me for quite some time; but, god willing, I will have it soon enough.
I start my search by searching for files named burger king porn. Nothing. I type in burger porn. Guess what shows up. A man fucking a hamburger. What the hell is this? Seriously, who gets off to this? This is akin to so called "weird" porn. The kind that has a chick giving birth to a fish or squatting on a cactus (or cacti as the case may be). It has no social redeeming value; and, after 30 or 40 viewings is no longer fun to watch.
What kind of a world do we live in, where a man (much like myself) can spend upwards of hours searching for porn; yet he gets stuck with some fat, greasy bastard sticking his dick in a hamburger. I know there are some weird fetishes (quite possibly from first hand experience), but what the fuck? Hamburger fucking? Who gets off on this? Fat people? This is completely nuts, too nuts for me; and, those of you who know me well, know that I have a high tolerance for nuts.
Where are the good ole days when you could download a file named XXX_porn_blowjon_interracial_lolita_downonthefarm_pigtails_mature_preteen_celebrity_anal_DP_midget_bizarre_XxX_fistfucking_gay_webcam_publicnudity_lesbian_porn.avi, and have it be something good (such as lesbians or 12 year olds). Nowadays, you get two fat Italian guys eating donuts; or better yet, some animated GIF with a Bible verse telling me that I am going to hell? The summation of this mental diarrhea is that internet porn is running out of ideas; and thus, is just making shit up that no one could jerk off too, let alone get the infamous, half flaccid, weak porno hard on over.
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